What the fuck
October 26, 2010
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Ever wake up and wonder that? Or put that infront of anything really.. What the fuck am I doing with my life. What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck is going on.
I woke up this morning half way hung over from the Jameson I drank last night. I quit my job. I’m trying to move out of state. Being an escapist is a pain in my ass. But at least that is one thing I’m sure of. Beyond that I can’t answer any of the questions I asked in the first paragraph. I’m going to be 25 in two days. I might as well be 25 now. I’m starting to understand why old people say birthday’s don’t matter.
Old is old. I’m getting there.
Mike asked me last night why I was afraid of getting old. I couldn’t answer it. I just know I am. I don’t want to get old. I don’t ever want to turn 30. I think it might be because that means I’m going to have to take some kind of responsibility for my actions.. or lack there of. What the fuck have I done with my life? Absolutely nothing. I haven’t done one god damned thing with it. Nothing amazing. I haven’t changed the world in any way what so ever.
At most I can hope I was some kind of positive influence on someone’s life or maybe some kind of emotional pillar for someone when they needed it most. But beyond that, I haven’t done dick with my life.
I just seem to kind of float by.