Pretty Like Drugs

Oh no, I've said too much.


So today was my first day back at work after the 4th. I still kind of feel like I’m recovering. I’m super tired. Anyways, my friend Johnny told me that he had heard I was “All over Katie at that fourth of july party.” Not my BFF Katie, but Sbux Katie. Who likes girls. So I’m instantly angry that there are rumors going around about me. If me dancing with Katie means I was all over her, why was I also not “all over” Taylor and Tony?

I asked Johnny who had told him this garbage and he wouldn’t tell me. And I was pissed. Like super pissed.

Then I had some kind of weird moment of clarity/epiphany/I don’t know what to call it. And I realized, when did I start caring what people thought, let alone said, about me?

All the anger I was harboring just kind of slipped away. I was empowering this negativity by caring about it. Not only that, but all the frustration and stress I had been suppressing about other aspects in my life also melted away.

It was as though I suddenly remembered that I was #1.

I’m very happy right now.

So I mentioned a few blog posts ago that I got asked on a date. I’ve been chewing on that a lot recently. The person who asked me is a friend of mine and to be honest, I still don’t know why the hell it is a Date. What makes a date a date? Wanting to get to know if you want to be in a relationship with them, right?

Well I already know that I don’t want to go on dates, because I really have no urge to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I’ve only wanted to be in a relationship with one person since I left my husband and that’s in a hiatus stage right now.

Now I know I broke up with Mike. I know I’m the one who’s shoved all kinds of space between us.  And I also know that the reason why I want to date other people, and I want mike to date other people, is so that we can truly appreciate our relationship. LDR’s can really mess up ones perception.

Anyway, I talked to the person who wants to go on a date with me and I basically just explained that I don’t know why it has to be a date and why that label has to be on it. I mean if going and eating food and going and doing stuff with someone makes those things dates.. well then I am one busy girl. I date all sorts of people. Men and Women alike.

It’s just stupid. But I’m happy. My thought process seems really valid right now.


3 responses to “Clarity

  1. Edmond M. July 7, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    I agree with you. Why does it have to be called a date? Before I got married I had plenty of friends (girls) who I went to concerts with, dinner, movies, out drinking, heck even went on a weekend trips and in no circumstance did we call it a date or more. I never expected more from them and they from me. We just hung out and had a good time. So should you!! Enjoy yourself that’s what’s important.

  2. Jason July 7, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    fuck what the people say, in the end you live life your way.

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