July 2, 2009
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I’m resigned to a few things in my life. A big one has to do with Julian, but whatever. I’m mostly angry about that, and that makes me happy. Thanks residual bipolar! I’d rather be angry than sad or depressed. When I was younger that’s what would happen.. And then I started getting emo about things when they got bad, and then I would supress it, and then I started having anxiety attacks. So I think it’s definitely a step forward to feel anger. Anyways, back to the issue at hand. I think it’s ironic that I’ve been skipping around facts in my blog, and I have no idea why. Blah. It is what it is and it’s over and it’s obvious but I’m very dissapointed that I thought I knew someone’s character and I found I’m very wrong. Apparently when you tell someone that you will always be 100% honest about shit, you can lie, and get into this epic vortex of bullshit. Thanks homie.
I’ve been fishing a lot lately. More so than I’ve done in a while.. and by a while I mean since I’ve moved to california. Fishing with Luke is good times. Gives me time to sort my thoughts and chew on things. I stand out like a sore thumb at the pier and what not with all the old fishermen.. or even young fishermen. It’s not my fault I like to look nice when I go out in public. 🙂 Plus, as all my friends know, for some reason old men like to talk to me so it’s not as though I don’t have good conversations.
I’m also noticing a pattern in my life. Basically all the men (not all, but almost) are still stuck on their exes. Today at work I was thinking about that, and then I rememebered Kyle (ex husband) and I’s last conversation. He told me how him and his girl weren’t working because no matter what he always compared her to me and she just wasn’t up to par and how he would jump at the chance to get me back and blahblah. So while I’m irritated by all the boys stuck on their exes, I did that very same thing to Kyle, and it’s just weird to think about for me. I don’t know if I explained that very well, but it’s the only way I know how.
I’m also terminally attracted to emotionally unavailable guys who are stuck on their exes. I guess I like a challenge.