June 15, 2009
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I’m sitting on my bed. I got off work at 6:30. I came home and just finished eating some dinner. I’m loving being sober. I feel really really good. Like I finally feel like I’ve waken up. I didn’t have any energy drinks today. I haven’t for a few days. The screaming headaches have stopped. That’s a definite plus.
I’m confused about so many things lately. I feel like my perception is somehow blurred. Like I’m looking at the world through smokey glass. I don’t know if things really are how they seem to me or if I’m just being my own worse enemy. I try to bounce idea’s off people but I never get the answers I seek. Maybe I’m just not asking the right questions.
Part of me just wants to go with the flow, while the other part of me wants to stop and force the current to do what I want it to do. I think I’m a little scared of change. I think I’m a lot scared of not being control of that change. I’m definitely a creature of habit, however I usually don’t have issues making decisions because I’m always the one in control. I need that control in my life. I think I freak out a little once the balls in someone else’s court.
I’m ODing on Queen Adreena right now. It brings me more comfort than anything else. It makes me feel not super crazy. Just a little crazy. 😀 <333 QA.
I love having text buddies. They’re awesome. They fill up my lunch and smoke breaks. I hate losing text buddies. It makes me sad. A lot of things make me feel a wide range of emotions lately. But as Sid keeps telling me.. I can’t skirt my issues, the only way to resolve them is to get through them. Don’t just suffer, realize you’re suffering, and it will cease eventually.
I sound like some kind of tortured soul. But damn, I’m all screwed up lately. I blame my birthdate. Fucking scorpio crap. Still waters run deep and all that. Apparently my eyes give me away though. Certain people know when I’m not up to par. Damnit. Why can’t I just be a closet emo? Hahahaha.